Before I start, it’s important to preface this post by saying – The Most High is glorious. When Spirit calls you to do something you typically know it. You don’t have to be super sensitive to the voice because the knowing will just drop inside of you, #Claircognizance (another post for another day); but that’s how Spirit works. When it’s important, the message WILL be delivered. However, freewill determines whether we will receive and take heed or ignore and proceed on our own road, a road that usually leads to some form of destruction if we’re honest.
For a long time I’ve known that I have been called to a season of abstinence. I’ve received multiple signs, flags, & scares, and ignored every single one of them. My high sex-drive controlled my mind wherein I would tell myself things like “oh no, I can’t do that. I need mine. I be too horny. I’m too young NOT to have sex.” The excuses kept flooding my brain. Sounds like you too? You don’t have to lie to me chiiiile! I, WE, have forsaken us in pursuit of someone/something else. Seriously think about this – We (MEN included) HAVE indeed been disloyal to ourselves by giving away our sacred, creative energy so freely. Overstand that sex is a spiritual thang – it feels good to your body but have you felt how good it feels to your spirit?? If you have then you have also felt how painful it is when it damages your spirit.
A couple days prior to July 24th 2018 I had a very long and very nourishing conversation with one of my best friends, A. She told me she decided to start practicing celibacy and I almost fell out of my chair. There Spirit was again convicting my heart and calling me to act on something I had been called to years and “situations” prior to this date. We finished our conversation and parted ways but the conviction sat on me. On July 24th as I was driving into work and meditating on the conversation I picked-up my phone and texted A (Side Note: I DON’T PROMOTE TEXING AND DRIVING), “I’m considering celibacy.” Just as I hit the send button, Spirit appeared in the form of numbers ‘5555.’ Biblically the number 5 represents grace and spiritually a multitude of 5s has a very strong vibration in representing life changes. Multiple 5s indicate change happening or needing to happen by use of intellect. So basically, Spirit said, “you are contemplating right!” I noted the numbers in my head, laughed, and gave thanks to Spirit. I sent another message following the first, which read, “You’ve inspired me to do what I’ve known I was supposed to do a long time ago.” As soon as I hit the send button, Spirit came to confirm that to me with the numbers ‘7777.’ Biblically the number 7 represents perfection, both physically and spiritually. Spiritually the number 7777 vibrates very high and represents spiritual wisdom and/or divine truth – which are perfect. I texted A and told her that I had received confirmation. This was intended to be my season of abstaining. My mind flooded with fear at that very moment. “Could I actually do this?” The uncertainty sat on me and eventually penetrated me thus I chose to defy what Spirit had revealed to me.
So, a few nights later I had sex…and it was just short of the usual amazing rating. I lay in his bed and contemplated everything that was confirmed to me by Spirit just days prior. The battle between my flesh and my Spirit ensued and I allowed my flesh to win. I literally pushed past my Spirit and forced my flesh to gain control in initiating what I knew shouldn’t have been. Without getting too graphic, I’ll just say I don’t usually have any issue with getting mine multiple times in one session, okurrrt! However, this time was different. It just felt…different. I tried to make sense of it in position 1 and by position 2 I had. I was disconnected from my spirit and having sex purely through the flesh. At that point I completely checked out. I was just ready for him to finish and get off of me. Afterwards, I rolled over and went straight to sleep. #NoCuddles
The next morning we got up, showered, dressed, and went our separate ways for work. It wasn’t until I left his home that I felt the aftermath. I surveyed the damage of my heart and spirit wherein I felt completely shattered. I felt like all of my good juju had been drained right out of me – it was gone. I sat in my office and I cried a deep cry. “Why do I feel so drained? Why do I feel so empty? Why do I literally feel like my Spirit is dying?” I had been on such a spiritually natural high since LA (reference “All The Universe Conspires” post) but today I was on my way to hitting a new low. The pendulum starting swinging back to the left super quick and I was on my way back downhill. I sat in my office with the door closed and stared out of the huge window. As tears streamed down my face I became engulfed in the clouds and blue sky. Entranced, I felt the presence of Spirit and once again felt safe. I knew it was time; so I picked-up my phone at 5:02 pm and texted A “I’m really ready now.” She immediately called me and was full of joy and excitement. I told her all about the night before and that morning. Without judgment my girl encouraged me and confirmed that I had her whole supportive self in this journey. She suggested that I share this with another girlfriend of mine; I didn’t have a moment to think before I heard Spirit tell me not to share it with anyone. Spirit specifically told me to keep this close to my heart; but I just HAD to open my mouth.
After A and I ended our call, I FaceTimed another girlfriend of mine. She was one that I believed would be supportive and receptive to all that had been revealed to me within the last 24 hours. We had planned that I would come to her house after work that evening, so I was calling to see where she was. She answered and was surprised that I was still at work well past quitting time. She playfully insinuated that I needed sex and with a straight face I told her I wasn’t doing that anymore. She laughed at me. I started to go into how serious I was, but the more I talked, the more she laughed. I hung up and realized THAT was the reason Spirit told me to keep my decision close to my heart.
I know that people have fleshly sex all the time (hand raise); but when Spirit calls you to a higher level of spirituality and mentality old things have to pass away from you. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought like a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things,” 1 Corinthians 13:11. You can try all you want to ignore the call, but Spirit will always be there – calling. Furthermore, once you begin to answer the call you will still have freewill to turn back, but be prepared to accept the damage that comes with it. “…and to whomever much is given, of him shall much be required,” Luke 12:48. I want to encourage you if you too are being called, answer. You have everything you need within you to answer fiercely. I know it’s scary and you wonder if you will mess up or slip up. I know it feels like a lot of pressure and you don’t know if you will make it or do it right. Stand in knowing that you have not been given the spirit of fear from the Divine Creator, but of love and a sound mind. Spirit will never call you from any place other than love because everything else is outside of divine truth. So that fear that you’re feeling sis, evaluate that. What are you afraid of? Losing a man, losing friends, losing popularity? If you lose anything or anyone at all count it all joy. Old things include people and they HAVE to fall off in order for you to level up. “Don’t give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces,” Matthew 6:7. Protect what is divinely yours and know all things align – always have and always will.
Your lower self will tempt you by making you feel like you have a long road ahead. I believe this is what keeps most people from answering this call, and the fact that “friends” and even family often have a way of discouraging you. So here’s a tip that I think will be helpful for you and me. When asked or tempted, simply reply “I’m not having sex today.” Take it one day at a time and before you know it, you’ll find yourself being loyal to yourself with grace & endurance.
Love & Light
Asé & Amen
“Every Warrior of Light has felt afraid of going into battle. Every Warrior of Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone. Every Warrior of Light has trodden a path that was not his. Every Warrior of Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons. Every Warrior of Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of Light. Every Warrior of Light has failed in his spiritual duties. Every Warrior of Light has said “yes” when he wanted to say “no.” Every Warrior of Light has hurt someone he loved. That is why he is a Warrior of Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.”