Halloween is supposed to be the scariest day of the year…but Halloween aint got NOTHING on October 29th and “single mommyhood” combined. So here’s the back-story – I manifested my baby boy in 2014. At that time I was matriculating through my masters degree program and living on my own in downtown Baltimore. My program became more strenuous as I neared graduation and eventually I had to quit my job; thus sending me back into my mom’s house to live. I must acknowledge how blessed I am to have such a dope momma. She opened her home to me (big & pregnant) and then to my baby when he was born in February of 2015 – and we’ve been with her ever since, screaming, playing, jumping, and spilling juice on her carpet. She has played a vital role in my son’s upbringing and I am forever grateful to her for that.
Now we are moving out…and I am TERRIFIED! The battle commenced between uncontrollable excitement and sheer petrification as I signed the dotted line on 10/29. I have to laugh at myself while I write this because this is what I have wanted for so long! I’ve prayed and worked very hard to get to this point of stability. My baby has his own space and I have mine; we live in a diverse community that’s safe and clean; the public school a great and there’s a charter option nearby; we have enough money to cover our bills and still live – so wtf am I afraid of? I’ll tell you, I wont have MY mommy there to hug me when I am feeling overwhelmed, step in when I simply need help, or to just tell me “you’re doing an amazing job.” Some might say my need for the constant validation is childish – and I would say to them “I don’t give af!” LOL.
Being a parent (especially a single parent) brings out feelings of inadequacy and insecurity from the very beginning. It doesn’t matter who you are or how prepared you thought you were, you’re always wondering, “I am doing this right?” Many times you’ll find yourself trying to figure out how you can do something better or beating yourself up when you let something minor slip through the cracks. We so easily forget that what they need the most is for us to love them. They don’t need perfection – that’s what society needs. Kids need our love. That’s not to be misconstrued, as our babies can’t EAT love. They DO need finances and support as well, okurrr!
You don’t have to get it right every single time. In fact, you WON’T get it right every single time. Give yourself the space you need to be human because even super mommy gets tired, frustrated, and needs love too. Everyday with our little ones is another day to grow, learn, and become more enlightened. If you’re reading this and feeling parental anxiety, repeat after me:
I got this & I am doing an amazing job!
Additionally, if you’re reading this and aren’t yet a parent, check on your “parent friends” (especially your “single parent friends”). Offer some random validation – nine times out of ten they need it and appreciate it more than you know.
Love & Light
“Soon there will be order and furniture…but even without that, there’s love & excitement, sage & incense, God & our Ancestors. So today we embark on the next chapter of our lives and we call this place home.”